Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Tuesday's Top 5

I thought and thought about what this week's list should be. Clearly, it needed to be Halloween themed, but what aspect of Halloween? Costumes? Parties? The Great Pumpkin? And then it hit me. What is Halloween really all about? The CANDY of course! And not just any candy. The RIGHT kind of candy. Suddenly, my path was clear. I knew exactly what to blog about. I had a job to do. A mission. A Divine Purpose. I had to keep all of you from making a dire mistake: buying the wrong candy. You know what I mean. Dum dums, jaw breakers, bottle caps. Please. Those are so 1985. These days it's all about the good candy. Don't believe me? Read on, my friend. Read on.


5. The Other Parents Will Thank You. As a parent, what is Halloween all about? Finding your kid the cutest costume? Sure, that's important. Carving the perfect jack-o-lantern? Yeah, that's up there on the list. But come on. You know it's about taking the "good" candy out of your kid's bag after he's gone to bed. Don't deny it. You've done it. And so have the other parents in your neighborhood, so they're going to be pleased as punch to find that you've stocked the ole' treat bag with the right kind of treats. So come on. Cave. Give in to the peer pressure. The other parents will thank you!

4. Saves on Neighborhood Dentist Bills. Okay fine. All candy is bad for your teeth. Whatever. But in my expert opinion (and by expert I mean I have absolutely no dental expertise at all), some candy is worse on the chompers than others. Um hello? Jaw breakers? Let's be honest and call them "Ouch! I think I broke my tooth" breakers. The beauty of the fun-size 3 Muskeers, on the other hand, is that it is soft and gooey with absolutely no teeth-breaking potential. So, hand out the one with the nougaty filling and keep little Tommy from next door out of the dentist chair.

3. It's Healthy. Hello? Dark chocolate? Haven't you heard that it's good for you? Well, it is. Seriously, it was on the internet, so it must be true. Grab a bag of dark chocolate Milky Ways and you'll be able to take credit for the cardio-vascular strength of everyone on the block!

2. It's Less Wasteful. Sure, sure. You get the cheapo candy because you don't like it, and therefore you won't eat it. This makes perfect sense. If you want to be totally wasteful and throw a bunch of leftover candy in the garbage. It's a recession! You can't just throw perfectly good candy in the garbage! You should eat it and feel good that you are stretching every penny of your dollar. Or, if you are truly one of those people who has oodles and noodles of will power and just won't eat the leftover chocolate (and if you are, by the way, we're not friends), you can always bring it into work and be everyone's new favorite person. Lookie there! Economical and popular all at the same time. You can thank me later.

1. The Kids Will LOVE You. Yes, yes, Halloween really is all about the kids (don't tell them), and what do the kids want? They want the GOOD candy. Sure, they'll chow down on a pack of boston baked beans if left with no other option, but what they're really putting on that hot and sweaty Buzz Lightyear costume for is the good candy. Minis are fine. These will make you pretty popular. Fun size are even better. Give out the full size bars and you're going to get yourself voted "Most Likely to be Every Kid's Favorite Mom Evah." So it's up to you. Do you want to be "Mrs. Not Another Root Beer Barrel" or "Mrs. All Right I Love Snickers!!!"? Yeah, that's what I thought.

No comments: